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It is hard being on the road over 200 nights a year...away from your family, isolated in many ways. It definitely isn't for everyone. This blogs represents the thoughts of just one such person. Read along and find out if the road is for you.
This is my new blogchalk:
United States, Georgia, Gainesville, Unity of Gainesville, English, John, Male, reading, RE Investing. :)
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Sunday, February 22, 2004
Overall, I think I suck at this…
I am taking a moment to reflect on where I am at with Da Company. While I am on track to either meet or surpass last years output (and put a good size bonus in my pocket in the interim), I realize I am just not that good at what I do.
If I am booking the clients and meeting Da Company’s objective for what I should be billing, you might ask, why in the world would I think like that?
Because, at some point in time, you have to be truthful with yourself. Just because for whatever reason (and I am not sure what those reasons could be), that a particular customer resonates with me and responds to my suggestions for further work, that doesn’t mean I am good at what I do. That just means that I know how to sell myself (or in plain English, manipulate).
Am I the worst consultant that we have? I would like to think not, but at least today, I am not as confident as I might have been some months back. I do enjoy helping people and companies, but I can’t tell you a single company who really benefited from my presence that wouldn’t have got the same experience with a different consultant. In fact, I could easily argue that their experience would have been 100 times better with some of the other consultants that we have on staff.
When I see the email questions that folks like Neil, Jenny and others pass to each other, I KNOW I am not in their league.
I took a moment to ask myself why. Although I can easily rationalize how they can ask / solve issues at a much higher level than me, (Perhaps, I have a lot more varied interests outside of Da Company than folks like Neil, Jenny and Katie, I make money outside of Da Company, I see myself doing something down the road outside of Da Company, etc) I have to admit that I don’t even think of the questions they ask. (Inwardly, they know I am not at their level as well…thus the CC on the email, rather than the TO)
I don’t blame them for a second. For whatever reason, Neil, Jenny and Katie have allowed me into their group. One they know I don’t really belong in, but every group needs a token person (I am just not sure or don’t want to accept what the “token” is I represent)
I would like to know how I am perceived at Da Company. I have repeatedly asked for and never received an evaluation on a regular basis. It is not like I don’t want to be better. I just am not clear on what Da Company wants me to be better at.
All I know is if they wait much longer to tell me, I won’t care. And perhaps that is the point as I find myself heading to Memphis and then looking forward to a 90 minute drive to get to my destination on this Sunday evening. Maybe, it is just a big test of endurance. Mine mostly. Da Company has patience and when I am (or any other consultant is) too tired to go further, they will just get another consultant. Is it me or do I hear “Next” in the distance. I do hope they aren’t talking about me.
I have no doubts that we are all replaceable. So, they might not make as much as they would had I continued, but Da Company never loses in the long run. I do, other people do, but Da Company….NEVER!
I can guess you can tell that at least today, I have a lot on my plate…
· Julie just came home and she needs attention
· I have to figure out a plan of attack with my Dad and his wife
· I have pool work that is so far behind, it isn’t funny.
· I have a house that needs rented/sold and I am not quite sure when this is going to get done.
· I need a break…I am taking the week after this off, but is flying to California for a couple of days, flying home, then off to Florida the answer?
Maybe being a Platinum with Delta is making me drink too much.
Whatever.
Enough for now.
Blog on!
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