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It is hard being on the road over 200 nights a year...away from your family, isolated in many ways. It definitely isn't for everyone. This blogs represents the thoughts of just one such person. Read along and find out if the road is for you.
This is my new blogchalk:
United States, Georgia, Gainesville, Unity of Gainesville, English, John, Male, reading, RE Investing. :)
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Friday, November 15, 2002
"In three words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost -
Life does go on. I feel better mentally today. Physically, I am a little sore. My exercise program is starting to kick in as my back muscles are getting used.
That doesn’t mean that I know what my favorite client is going to do in regards to bringing me back. The consensus is that most folks want me back, however the owner vacillates back and forth on the issue. Either way is fine with me. Not that I really would want to not be able to finish what is potentially close to reality, but there definitely wouldn’t be any hard feelings. Even if I do come back for an extended engagement, it wouldn’t start until January at the earliest.
So the day was bittersweet in many ways. The work wasn’t that hard and there was ample opportunity to share feelings about where this relationship has progressed to.
I even finished comparatively early yesterday as we left for the bar at 5:40 instead of the usual 6:30. I envy the type of long term friendships that these co-workers have developed over 15-20 years of working together. Yes, they occasionally fight at work, but through it all, they remain friends outside of work. And that fact usually gets them through their work issues. That makes me long to associate on a long term basis with a company, something that I have never done before.
Yes, occasionally I call or get a call from someone at Da Company where we share things. But most issues revolve around Da Company and personal things are not spoke of as often as maybe I would like.
Then, when I read about Natasha’s blog regarding her seeking other job opportunities, I think she is on the right track. (See, I did slip it in.)
While I am on the subject of Natasha, I do have a high regard for her aspirations of writing a book and maybe even running for office. She has become a very much a multi-faceted person to me. She is like peeling back layers of an onion and each layer is more interesting than the last. I really respect her for giving of her time in working with animals. And if you are reading this Natasha, if you send me some new pics and re-create your blog style, I will happily get you on the right track. Rebecca, I would help you too if you want.
posted by John Panico at 7:50 AM
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Why am I feeling this way?
It is 4 in the morning and I am wide-awake. Why? I wish I knew. Yesterday’s hustle and bustle of having a phone training thrown on me at the last minute on a subject that I wasn’t totally comfortable with at the time combined with my computer issues left me a little frazzled. On top of that, the real estate agent called and wanted me to go out with him, which I normally wouldn’t have thought twice about, but under the circumstances begged off until the weekend.
But the bottom line is that I did get through everything successfully. I got my own computer up with the ability to handle the phone training. I worked with that client for a couple of hours and got him where he needed to be.
Since my regular laptop wasn’t working, I broke out my personal laptop for my trip to Birmingham. In doing so, I downloaded a program for my digital camera. Not a big to do normally, but the cd drawer gives me a problem by not fully shutting and I start having thoughts that karma regarding yesterday’s download is coming back to me.
But as usual, I digress…
The client I am going to see today is literally my favorite. Yet, today and tomorrow will determine if they want to buy an additional block of time. Are they going to have me keep coming back? I really am not sure. I am not through with everything that I would like to accomplish with these folks, but the owner understands that at this point, I do 25% on the system and the remainder on his company in general. And I think in some regards, that fact gnaws at him. Why can’t his people do the rest on their own? Why am I spending so much money on an outsider who actually challenges me on different issues?
Cheryl, who is the Operations VP, wants me back, as does the owner’s wife. Yet, ultimately, the decision isn’t theirs. We will see what happens, but perhaps that is what has me up at this time.
Or it could be that I feel something is happening at Da Company. With it being bought out last Friday, I detect a high level of stress, frustration and anxiety in my phone conversations with Lori yesterday. Maybe, they aren’t telling us what the real plans are. I wish my behind the scenes information conduit still worked there.
This whole buy-out thing has thrown me off balance. In talking with Jenny last week, she had me thinking about the possibility of getting off the road as a possibility that I could pursue. Now, I am not as confident of chasing that opportunity and openly wondering what prospects the new owners might present.
Maybe I should just go back to sleep and be happy that I am in this game of life/love/career.
posted by John Panico at 6:18 AM
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
What? Me Worry?? *--
Did you ever have one of those moments that while you are in the midst of doing, inwardly know that the outcome isn’t going to be pretty? Yesterday was such a day.
A few weeks (could be months?) back, Lori with Da Company sent out an email telling you NOT to download anything on the new laptop that they provided for us finally last summer. The gist of the message was that you only add software on the laptop at your own peril.
That being said, I wasn’t trying to add software just because I wanted something new. I was at a clients’ and I had created roughly 100 reports that I was going to need on my laptop to work on over the next week or so. It was over 10 MB’s of reports, which isn’t large in itself, but the sheer number of them had me wanting to approach this in a different way. The client suggested using his zip drive, which made sense.
I threw the software on his machine to handle the zip drive without incident. As I was midway through putting the software on my laptop, the thought came to mind regarding the downloading of “non” Da Company programs.
Call it intuition, manifestation or just plain a foretelling of things to come; when I wanted to re-boot the system, the laptop wouldn’t come to life. Talk about your feeling of overwhelming nausea. That feeling wasn’t relieved in the least from saying #**k with a lot of enunciation.
I instantly started to dread my life! Or at least the thought of having to tell my boss. I leave the client having copied the troubleshooting page for the zip drive.
The rest of the trip from the ride to the airport, dealing with having to go stand by because I had missed my original flight, and the shuttle home was spent in high anxiety. I call Jim as I land and tell him that I need help if he can offer it. He indicates that he is at a seminar, but would call me later, which he did, but I had already went to bed depressed.
I got up at 4, got on the zip drive makers website and long story short, got things restored.
But as luck would have it, that was just one computer issue. When I was at the client’s yesterday, my modem didn’t work. I thought it was their phone lines. Turns out my modem was fried. I will have to sent it back to Da Company.
So I need to make sure that I have everything clean (program wise) before I return it. Like I said, What, me worry? (Continually!!!)
posted by John Panico at 9:51 PM
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Time to retreat to work. *-
The retreat being over (I got some pics to develop that I took with Dan Millman), I am physically bushed. I am not sure it was from the guy in the bunk next to me waking up screaming from a nightmare in the middle of the night, or just the “processing” of the weekend, but I am exhausted.
I must look like hell, because when I check into the hotel, the clerk asks if I am “OK”? I come to this hotel once or twice a month, so they have come to know me. I am fine, but just tired I reply.
Sleep comes easily, but I wake up even more tired. But I take some comfort in that my “tiredness” is physical and not mental. Maybe, I am over the “processing” of the weekend’s retreat.
The day with the client is really effortless for some reason. Today was like free money. This is a regular client and the only reason they want me here is to attend a meeting with the sales people that is covering the new pricing that we are putting into the system.
Monday’s Mission is done and in the books. Check it out. For those that emailed me, I have fixed the archive links. Thanks!
It feels good to just pick up a light snack and a Mike’s Hard Lemonade at a c-store on the way back to the hotel. I literally take a nap at 5:45 till 9 PM and feel infinitely more rested.
posted by John Panico at 7:34 AM
Sunday, November 10, 2002
November 10, 2002
Retreating a little deeper! 1 Ago
It has been a long day that I am in many ways, I am still processing.
Most of the attendees have some deep issues with how their spouse reacts or about women in general. While I am not 100% happy with Julie, what I have come to grips with is that I really don’t control anything but me. Somehow, I intrinsically knew that, but maybe I was in denial.
There are certain things that I have “required” of her and the fact of the matter is that those expectations aren’t fair to her. The one story that hit home with me is the one about the guy who complains to his co-worker everyday at lunch about eating pb&j sandwiches. After months of complaining, his co-worker asked him why he didn’t just ask his wife to make him a different type of sandwich. He replied, “Wife? I have no wife! I make these sandwiches everyday!”
So I need to take some more responsibility for the things that I want out of life.
The other issue that hit me on the head like a 2x4 is my self worth. When asked to rate your worthiness on a scale of 1 being the lowest and 100 being the highest, I literally rated myself the least worthy with a score of 40.
That combined with comments from the featured speaker is letting me re-think what I should be expecting out of life. It’s ironic in many ways that I tell people that God only wants the best for them and they deserve the best. Yet, for myself, I have never felt that I was worthy of the best.
I have been working on being more gracious when someone either compliments me or praises me. But I have to admit that it is still a work in progress. But the proverbial 2x4 did hit the mark and it will be something that I approach differently from here on it.
Which goes hand in hand with how funny I feel when people that know me come to ask me for advice. Both of the folks I came up with have pulled me aside at one time or another and was looking for my point of view on different subjects. I can’t say that I offer a lot of advice. Mostly, I just listen and try to ask questions of why they feel the way they do and if they are truly attempting to meet their partner half way, rather than making a snap judgement about a experience that have had.
I wish I could advise them, but I don’t feel equipped to do so in any way shape or form. I mean how can I guide someone else when I have trouble with myself.
Although I did have a few “aha” moments of epiphany, I can’t honestly say that I would come to next year’s retreat. Maybe I will let another 5 years go by before I go again. Or maybe it just takes me that long to process what I heard from the last one. I don’t know which is true, but I do know that really don’t have a desire to come to one of these again very soon.
November 9, 2002
A weekend of retreat! 1 Ago
Oh how the range of emotions can cover the globe.
I started out the morning feeling a bit frustrated about the situation that I got myself in. I am acting as a negotiator between Jim and Rick regarding traveling up to the men’s retreat that I have taken the day off to enjoy. The challenge is that Rick initially wanted to get off in the afternoon, because he thought he was working. Jim was going to come up from Florida and would hit the ground in Atlanta around noon. All would seem right with the world.
But Rick found out he didn’t have to work after all and had planned to leave for the retreat around 1. That was going to cause a problem because the earliest Jim would be here would be 1:30. I hemmed and hawed about it, because I felt caught in the middle. I then came to the conclusion that everything would be fine in the end and that I didn’t need to control this, that a higher power would have everything come out fine. Which in the end it did.
It was a beautiful day for traveling. The leaves were turning on the trip up to the mountains and you couldn’t have asked for a better day.
In the interim, I was on the phone constantly trying to do my weekend after Thanksgiving travel plans without having to formally create a trip request.
Along the way, I get ahold of Lori who tells me that Da Company just got bought out. Da Company which is now public is going private and I will be receiving a good sized check in January. Overall, that is good news, since the price they are offering is about 25% higher than the current stock price. I am both happy and grateful for this situation to come about.
Upon arrival at the retreat, I have already pre-decided to let my mind and heart be open to the experience. The featured speaker is Dan Millman, a well known author in new thought circles.
The evening was a non event in my mind. While it was good to meet other men who are like minded, in many ways, I have discovered that the issues that they are dealing with don’t seem to be mine. Or maybe I do have those issues and am just in denial about them.
Anyway, this weekend should prove out to be very interesting indeed.
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