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It is hard being on the road over 200 nights a year...away from your family, isolated in many ways. It definitely isn't for everyone. This blogs represents the thoughts of just one such person. Read along and find out if the road is for you.
This is my new blogchalk:
United States, Georgia, Gainesville, Unity of Gainesville, English, John, Male, reading, RE Investing. :)
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Saturday, September 14, 2002
TGIF! (1 Ago )
Another work week down and better yet, I survived it. I usually enjoy my time in New York, but am just as happy to get back home. Nothing bad to say about the place or the client for that matter, but going home is something to look forward to. And lately, even more so.
I spend the morning at the client’s Newark location. It is always exciting to go through Manhattan, especially since I could do the looking instead of the driving. These guys are asking me to find a way to work for them. I have several things that I have comtemplated to accomplish that, but am not ready to commit to anyone or thing jobwise at the moment. But the fact that they keep pressing makes me feel a little better about myself.
But heading home for the weekend, however long or short seems like fun. Julie seems to be happy to have me come in, even though she doesn’t seem to be feeling well.
I am secretly smiling to myself as my flight heads back to Atlanta’s Hartsfield International Airport. Da Company’s travel agent had tried to book me on the 8 PM flight. After pitching a fit last week, I at least got this leg changed to 6 PM, which I promptly upgraded. That’s not the smiling part. I didn’t know this until last week, but the Atlanta / LaGuardia flights are THE least on time of all air routes. Yes, the 5 PM flight was delayed. So was my 6 PM flight. BUT, the 8 PM flight probably won’t leave until about 10. So, I was right to make the change. I only wish I could rub it in our travel agent’s face. I am not normally vindictive, but in this case I will make an exception.
So, with this week in the books, next week will be Salt Lake City and then Birmingham. My client in Bimingham is one of my fav’s, so that should be fun. I need to do some promised work on Natasha’s It Is All About Me’s blog. I like her and want to help her. After a rocky start, I find that we think alike more than I would have ever thought. Which in some ways leaves me a little bit perplexed…lol. Have a great weekend!
posted by John Panico at 1:46 PM
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Maybe things aren't so bad after all (1 Ago)
No, things aren't great. But, on the other hand things could be alot worse. As I remember back to this day last year, I wasn't working that week. Somehow, it makes my "skinny" schedule ok. Maybe, just like Lori says, this is the slow time. Nevertheless, I have decided to be happy with my life, because after last night, I know that I have it good overall.
I stayed up much later than normal watching the show "9-11" and others that were produced for the New York area. Part of the reason for staying up late was I had dinner at an Irish bar. I must stay in a neighborhood that caters to Firemen and Policemen.
Tonight's bar is patronized mostly by Firefighters. They are still dressed in their uniforms. Some are with their wives, but all look somber. In many ways, they look like they are just happy to have survived this day. I really feel for them. It is like they had to re-live a year ago all over again and no one asked them if they even wanted to.
I am making progress with the client I am at. They would like me to work there full time, and after last week, I am trying to figure out how I can make it work from either the Atlanta or St. Augustine area. I actually think they would pay me a little more than my base salary working 3 days a week. Something to consider.
I think I am also a little bit better emotionally, because I know I am going home on Friday. It seems like the more I have been home lately, the more I want to get back there. Do something with my life other than what I am doing now. I don't know what it is. If I did know, I would do it right this minute. Hell, I have even given some thought to quitting Da Company, packing it all in and moving to either Mexico where I own some property, Costa Rica where it is cheap and cleaner than Mexico, or to Hawaii, where Julie always wants to move back to. She lived there for several years before we met and she cries everytime she sees it on television. I guess I have instructed my mind to be open to the opportunity. Now, I just have to find the opportunity.
posted by John Panico at 11:09 PM
What a difference a year makes… (1 Ago)
You can’t be here in New York and not get caught up in the energy that is enveloping this community. It just does something to you. A year after the tradgedy, you get changed by the stories and lives of what transpired. The skyline changed and it is inevitable that you are going to change with it. You want to be a part of it. You want to be a part of the hope that the stories have created.
I spent my moment of silence by myself in a rental car in the biggest traffic jam that I have ever encountered during any of my visits to New York. And it had a perfect symmetry to it. I had thought what I would do at the client’s at 8:46. Would they be observing? Surely they would. But what if they weren’t? What if they were too busy to stop working to remember?
Because of the traffic congestion, what would normally be a 10 minute ride became an hour and fifteen minute commute to the client. So I sat and listened. It was kind of weird in fact. Up to about 8:43, you could hear horns honking at cars to get out of the intersection. I was listening to New York Mayor Bloomberg speak on the radio. And then, magically a hush came over the area. It was a somber moment that I reflected on remembering where I was, how I felt and what being here meant.
And it seemed to mean something to be here, where heroes were born and lives were lost. I made sure to take the time during the traffic jam to call people who mean so much in my life and tell them that I was thinking about them and how much they meant to me. I also called my church to tell them that my thoughts were also with them during their 24 hour World Day of Prayer vigil.
As I said in yesterday’s blog, I am starting to feel a shift in me. Maybe, because I feel like I am taking back some control over my life. The client talked to me about employment. I actually listened and gave it some serious consideration.
Am I going to jump? Probably not. But I am now remembering that Da Company doesn’t control me. I do!
Thinking about this day in history, I realize that time is the commodity that while we don’t have enough of, we must make the most of what we do have. I can do anything. And I am determined to make changes that won’t let me get to the frustration levels I have felt recently.
I thought this was as good a time as any to add another feature to the blog called 1 Ago. This is a simple feature. What was I doing 1 year ago? You read today’s entry and then have the opportunity to look back 1 year ago and compare the mood, emotions and actions of that day to this day. Today will be easy. Some of the others, I will only be able to tell you where I was and perhaps what I remembered about that time (I pretty much know everyplace I have been for the last 3 and a half years.)
posted by John Panico at 12:07 AM
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
The long and winding road.
Wow! Talk about your synchronicity!
I am flying into New York on the eve of 9/11. And as much as I hate to say it, I am caught up (maybe swallowed up) in it. This is obviously where God wanted me to be over the next few days. I really don’t have a plan or know a purpose, but I can honestly say that over the last few weeks, this is the only place that it has felt “right” to come to.
Yes, I will see a client tomorrow through Friday. But not like the one I just left who had “just one more question” for an hour past my scheduled departure time. No big deal. I will put the time down on my timesheet and let Da Company work it out.
I have really tried to resist the whole 9/11 anniversary remembrance, because I felt that it was too soon to be dredging up these memories.
But right now, I am truly stoked. I haven’t even landed in New York yet (I am writing this at 25,000 ft overhead coming on my round robin Huntsville to Charlotte to LaGuardia trip), but I can feel the energy.
I can feel a shift happening in my being. I don’t know if it is 9/11 in New York, or that maybe the shift is just in my thinking. Something is changing in me. And it feels good.
posted by John Panico at 10:33 PM
Greetings from Huntsville, or Charlotee or ???
This is actually Tuesday September 10 notes!
Busy day yesterday. Maybe it was karma for me feeling the way I did. Not that yesterday changed how I felt. But it was a very full day of working for Da Company and little time for me.
I was tired to begin with when I walked into the client’s. They had a problem literally the moment I walked in the door. And it was pretty much non-stop the entire day. The only let-up was when the power went out. But that happened at lunch, so there wasn’t much respite. So much so, that I didn’t leave them until 6:30.
That left very little time before 8 when I had to listen in on Da Company’s new way of structuring my life, a conference call. To me, any conversation on this call; a.) could have been done during working hours if it was soooo important, which it wasn’t, and b.) blah, blah, blah. There really wasn’t anything of value said, so I just felt it was an intrusion of my off time, something that Da Company is too free with in my humble opinion. I know lately it sounds like I am whinning about everything, but some things have really ticked me off lately. (Could you tell?)
Today is Ken’s birthday. Ken is my older brother (I have a younger sister as well). Thinking back on the events of 9/11, I haven’t done as much as I had wanted this year. After that event, I had wanted to solidify (maybe start would be a better word) relationships with my siblings. It is not that I was estranged from my brother and sister, but I have gone years in some cases without talking or touching base with them.
I don’t know why I have never been that close to my brother and sister. There are times when they have been extremely close to each other (although they are not presently that way). I at least have reached out to them and had some communication with both of them. I have called and emailed my brother and even saw Gloria and her family at Christmas. I have even went as far as to volunteer services free of charge to my sister in an effort to begin the relationship anew.
I also let it be known at Christmas that I wanted to have a family reunion this year. And the fact that they couldn’t find time in their schedules really did frustrate me. But I am going to do an even larger reunion next year. Whether they make it or not, I am planning on having the entire family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) next year.
So I will call Ken and see how he is doing. I will have to do that on my way to New York. Yep, I am going to be in New York through the 9/11 remembrance ceremonies. Of course, to get there, I have to travel. And each time I travel this week, I am reminded of the travel fiasco of last week and my frustration level goes up again. But I will get through it (you know you always get through every situation, although sometimes with some bruises).
posted by John Panico at 10:26 PM
Monday, September 09, 2002
Blue Sunday….
Something just doesn’t feel right. I have always looked forward to work. Really didn’t matter what the job was, there haven’t been many days when I didn’t look forward to it…that is until today!
You know you are depressed when you are tired just thinking about Monday. This is a typical workweek. Leave home for the client on Sunday afternoon/evening. Go to the client on Monday and do whatever. I can’t say that I always look forward to leaving home on Sunday evening or to being gone all week, but I usually enjoy the work.
But today the mere thought of work exhausts me. Since the beginning of 2001 I have averaged a flight every 2.5 days. That is a lot of flying. I am more fortunate than most. I have had times when I have been local, or the average would be even lower.
I hit the wall once before since I have been with Da Company. A year ago I went through a stretch when I was home a grand total of 20 hours in 3 weeks. Great bonus month, but I was fatigued beyond belief. This time is different though. A year ago, I knew that a little down time would recharge my batteries. I am not as confident of that this time.
Maybe, it is time to move on. To another company, to another position. I would take another travel position, but only with a company that was reasonable (leave Monday, come home Friday). But would it change anything? Overall, it hasn’t been the travel this time. There are however some real misconceptions about those of us who travel for our jobs.
People are always asking if I ever get tired of the travel. I rarely do. Sometimes, like now, I am overly tired. But it usually goes away after a long weekend off or even a short weekend at the beach. I always tell people if the travel bothers you, this isn’t the job for you. Kind of like being a truck driver, limo chauffeur, or any other job. What bores others doesn’t even faze you. The travel portion can be hectic, but I view it as just a game. BTW, you don’t win all the time you play.
The other question is: “I bet you get to see a lot of neat things in the towns you visit.” Once again, the answer is generally no. You work so much that you really don’t have time to do the things you would like, unless you can really plan ahead and spend the weekend as well. By and large though, I try to get home most weekends.
The last question/statement is: “I bet you have a lot of miles.” Of course I do. But that doesn’t mean that I use them. In fact, I have only used air miles for my own travel just once. When people know you have miles, they tend to ask if they can have some. And there is a reasonable chance that you can. I have sent people to Hawaii, Costa Rica, and a myriad of places here in the states. Julie thinks it is her obligation to use them…lol.
But I digress. I am simply not looking forward to work this week. I am exhausted from last week. It is not like I worked so much. In fact, it is one of the lightest billable weeks in memory. I guess Thursday and Friday really took it out of me. Mentally, I am whipped.
While I can’t say for sure, work may not be the only thing that is depressing me. While some people take the end of the year as a time to evaluate where they have been and where they are going, I have always looked at Fall as the time for renewal and review. It is the time of the year when I can become melancholy. But the weather doesn’t seem right for Fall right now, so maybe it is just work after all.
One thing I have done lately is buy books and magazines by the bundle. I have started to read a new book called Radical Forgiveness. Hopefully, it can make a difference in how I feel and act.
posted by John Panico at 10:07 PM
Sunday, September 08, 2002
The stars were out last night…
I am feeling better about most everything except my work. But today is Saturday and I am not going to keep beating this dead horse (until Monday that is…lol)
The day was devoted to trying to put the wreckage of what “they” call my life back together again. Do you ever feel like YOUR life is like Anna Nicole’s on E-TV? A train wreck that everyone just can’t turn their head away from?
Lately, I have felt like that. Like I have done nothing right at work, at home, in life. And EVERYONE is watching.
Be that as it may, did go to see Big Fat Greek Wedding yesterday afternoon and loved it. It brought back memories of my own mother and family (except for the fact that we are Italian and they are Greek…lol) I was glad the theatre was dark, because I literally had tears “remembering” the exact same things that the mother did on the movie (buy wedding invitations without consulting the bride and groom) that my own mom had done so many times. And although I was upset at the time of the incidents, looking back, I can see that she was just coming from a place of love. My mom has been gone since August of 1994, but I still think about her often…and lately even more so.
Spend the evening at a “Star BQ”. Julie is an avid astronomer (even built her own telescope) and there was a combination Star Party (where everyone brings their telescopes and looks at different objects in the sky) and barbeque. I made up shrimp ka bobs which tasted wonderful! It was a lot of fun and the night was perfect for viewing. They had some really big scopes out there (one with a 24" mirror, which is huge) I saw some really cool things. I really don't know anything about astronomy, but I like to support Julie and know that she does the same for me.
Got home after midnight, but felt good not to think about anything or anyone serious.
And I have decided to add a few things to the site here, including maybe a makeover. Stay tuned.
PS – September 11 if the World Day of Prayer. It is usually the second Thursday in September, but they changed it this year. Need info? email me.
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